If you can find it (and Google Maps will definitely help you get to within a mile of it before it gives up and dumps you in one of them fields of sand we all know and love), Emirates Park Zoo is well worth a visit for the day. If you have kids, if you don’t have kids, if you hate being near kids, it’s just a nice all-round day out, and you don’t even need to get pissed to pretend that you’re having a good time.

They have a decent variety of animals to stare at, and while half of the park is kind of tucked away through a hidden entrance (you’ll see what I mean), and the other half was under construction or something, I actually really enjoyed it, and I usually don’t like stuff which isn’t going to brunches.

I am of course torn between whether it is inhumane to keep many of these animals in captivity in 50 degree heat or let them live in the open, natural habitat they would almost definitely rather be in, but then quite a few of them live in hot countries anyway, others have a choice between grown men hunting them with guns and shooting them for sport/money, or being savaged by other bigger animals and… well the other two species are goats and pigeons (loads of both), and they just seemed to be having the best time ever, so it’s all good as far as I can see.

Take a look at our really rather well put together slideshow of all the good lads and female animals to see what you’re missing (or not missing if you’ve already been).

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