In a radical move to try to perhaps broaden the limited vocabulary of many residents, a new law has today been introduced banning swearing on WhatsApp in the UAE.

Swearing Inside Dubai: It’s just so silly

It’s no joke, we all know that swearing directly at people in the United Arab Emirates is likely to result in trouble for the foul-mouthed abuser, trouble which goes far beyond a quick “mouth-washed-out-with-soap” scenario. So it should really come as no surprise to note that from today, if you start “giving it all that” in text format – whether on WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Internet forums, iMessage or BBM (if you think it’s the 90’s) – you could be fined 250,000AED and, if you’re an expat, banished from this land forever (deported).

The new federal law has been introduced to govern Internet users, because frankly there’s just too much trolling happening right now.

The law actually came to public light following the case of a fully-grown adult man, who originally only got a 3,000AED fine for his WhatsApp-based indiscretion. He was threatening someone over some money or something, and although convicted, he was delighted to learn that the ruling was really rather easy-going. He was quite literally laughing and maybe even swearing all the way to the cashpoint to draw out the 3,000AED real quick.

Little did he know, the prosecutor knew all about UAE law and the recent additions to it. They launched an appeal, the guy faced a retrial with the new law quite firmly in the forefront of everyone’s mind, and he is now one residence visa, and 250,000AED lighter.

So let Inside Dubai offer one piece of advice to those of you who get slightly frustrated at people or things, and like to take to the keyboard by way of exhibiting it: take a look at a thesaurus!

There’s often many alternatives to the traditional swear words or phrases we all know and hate. Here’s 10 good one’s you may want to start adopting. It could save you loads of money in the long run:

10 Inside Dubai Alternatives to Swearing

1. What the Fudge?!?

Example: What the fudge man?!? Give me my money.

2.You Nincompoop

Example: Give me my money you nincompoop.

3.Oh Crumbs!

Example: Oh crumbs he won’t give me my money.

4.Dagnammit

Example: Give me my money dagnammit!!

5. Son of a Biscuit

Example: Give me my money you son of a biscuit.

6. For Pete’s Sake

Example: Would you just please give me my money for Pete’s sake?

7.Fiddle Sticks

Example: Oh fiddlesticks, he’s skipped the country and won’t give me my money.

8. Ice Hole

Example: Stop being such an ice hole and give me my money.

9. Malarkey

Example: I’ve had enough of all your malarkey, give me my money please (notice how the word “please” makes the sentence even more delightfully refreshing).

10. Sunny Beach

Example: You would stop being such a sunny beach if you would just give me my money.