The tedious nature of the incessant requirement to have everything the ‘biggest’ or the ‘best’ is arguably one of the least attractive aspects of Dubai as a destination.

All of the biggest or best things in the world were actually created by Mother Nature, not by a man with a crane. For example, you know Mount Everest? Yeah well if you stack up 10 Burj Khalifas on top of each other, you’re still not at the top of that. That’s what big really means.

Anyway, they will try, and all the while as we are being force-fed the biggest mall, the new biggest mall, the biggest indoor ski slope, the biggest man-made waterfall with over 10 metal sculptures of diving men attached to the wall it flows down, or the biggest hamburger, I think I speak for most when I say – who cares? Show me something new fellas.It’s Official - Zero Gravity Does Have the best sound system in the world

Big sounds are best

What I am impressed with, however, is a good sound system, and although I haven’t spent money on any music since 1997, and I often respond to the question “what music do you like?” with the answer “I hate all music”, I secretly love music when there’s an amount of discernible talent involved in it’s creation, when it’s played through a decent sound system, and when it’s not absolutely melted like that cheese dripping off the biggest burger in Dubai, or the world, or whoever….

Zero Gravity is already world-renowned for doing things a little better than other similar beach club-type places, but now they have a new L-Acoustic K2 sound system (Google it), which has a two-year waiting list if you want to get hold of one (no, they didn’t wait), and has been used by some pretty high profile events – such as the London Olympics, Coachella Festival and the Eurovision Song Contest. Two out of three ain’t bad, hey?

They also have loads of new lights and stuff, if lights are your thing, but of course it don’t mean nothing without decent music to play through it all, so here is a selection of some of the highlights to look forward to over the next few months:

Bontan – Friday 13th November

Usually I don’t leave the house on Friday 13th… But Bontan could well be enough to tempt me out of bed.

Andy Baxter –  Thursday 19th November

Baxter has been resident at Café Mambo Ibiza and Pacha (the real one), among others, and he brings his own inimitable style to Zero on 19th November.

The Layabouts – Friday 11th December

These guys speak to me. Or at least their name does. And as much as the words “groove” and “vibe” disturb my soul and certainly make my skin crawl, I like the vibe and the groove of this number. Should be a good one.

Go to 0-gravity.ae for the very latest on what’s happening at the venue. No details have been announced yet for the DXBeach line-up on 20th November, but we will keep you posted, yeah?